First date fears, time to get comfortable with the uncomfortable!

First dates are often nerve-racking yet thrilling experiences for people.

Dating to me is very awkward. The whole idea of dating makes me feel uncomfortable. The thought of sitting across from someone you don’t know at a table makes me feel nauseated. The anxiety and thoughts that come running through my mind are exhausting.

hat if we run out of things to speak about? What if I don’t find him attractive? What if he doesn’t like me? What if it’s a date from hell? All of these things make me want to avoid dating for the rest of my life. But if I continue to allow these issues to prevent me from dating and perhaps meeting the love of my life, I will never have the opportunity to grow and learn.

So, what to do then?

Perhaps you’re on tinder and someone’s asked you to meet but your too anxious, so you always say no: well, today is the day to change that!

In order to get yourself out there you need to agree to go on that date! No matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, no matter how queasy it makes you feel, agree to it! That’s the easy bit out of the way.

Now it’s time to prepare for that date! Get your best outfit on, and make sure you are feeling your best self, when you are looking good then you will be feeling good. But don’t just prepare on the outside: training your mindset is a key way to help you think objectively about situations.

The mind work

For instance, telling yourself that this is a positive experience for you, an opportunity to put yourself out there in a position where you may not feel as confident, since it will only make you stronger in the long run, is an excellent way to look at the situation.

In the long run, it’ll even help your mentality to transform into an optimistic one, and help you gain considerable social confidence.

The main question: what’s the worst that can happen?

You don’t like each other? There’s no conversation at all and it is awkward as hell? That’s all fine. Not every date we will go on is going to be amazing, but we will leave with experience, having faced a big fear. 

If it doesn’t work out, you won’t see that person again anyway – perfect strangers. Or pros, it could have been a really good date and you end up having an unexpectedly great night together. Who knows? 

Where do I start?

Many people fear the idea of a dull conversation on a first date, not having anything to talk about, or whether they have anything in common with the other person. If you are worried about this, then asking questions that show interest in that person’s life is a good way in showing that you are not just playing a game. 

So, things like, how many siblings do you have? Tell me something interesting about you? Or what is the craziest thing that you have done? These are great ways to get people talking, plus they will ask you questions back. Or, if you want to spice things up, you could always jump in with a game of never have I ever. 

Where to?

If your date has asked you to pick where to go on a first date and you’ve suddenly become anxious and clueless, you can always decide to go for something casual, like that fancy restaurant with nice aesthetics and great food, with a menu full of options. 

Or, my personal favourite: go somewhere more interactive. A place like an arcade, where you can get your competitive mode on and get ready to defeat your date. This is a good way to break the ice and get the natural conversation flowing, as it will be centred around the games anyway. 

Then you could go somewhere more relaxed, now that you’ve had a fun time with your date and get to know that person on a deeper level. There are plenty of arcades around London, so you won’t be lost for choice! Oh, and the all-time favourite is around the corner, Winter Wonderland! Get yourself on some high or low rides, whichever you fancy and inject some adrenaline into your day. What better way to start a date!

However, if you are someone who generally prefers to go out for a drink, then this is also a good idea. Alcohol is a good icebreaker, so perhaps head to a bar or karaoke night to settle the nerves.

Credits to @visitlondon

Once you’ve had a few drinks, you will find the conversation flowing naturally and yourself speaking absolute rubbish. Which sometimes usually is the best way to connect and bring you together unknowingly. 

First dates can be intense and nerve-wracking, but it is common to have those feelings. Dating is supposed to be fun and exciting so hopefully, after reading our guide, you will feel more at ease, and who knows? You might meet your new best friend or even your new soulmate?

Tania Alasady|Subbing: Patrick Grady, Aleksandra Martynow, I. B. Beres

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